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柴玲丈夫谈妻子被强暴事件

作者∶鲍勃.马锦(Bob Maginn)

对待性强暴的正确态度

鲍勃.马锦(Bob Maginn)

11/26/2014

大约40年前,当吉米.卡特竞选总统时,我还是密西根州立大学的一年级新生。那时我参加了一个每周的查经班。在那个新年的前夜悲剧发生了,我们查经班里的一位年轻女孩被强奸并杀死了,她的尸体被扔在离校园不远的树丛里。我至今还能记起她那张像天使一样纯洁的面孔。她的男朋友也在我们的查经班。他看起来痛苦不已。

几天后,联邦调查局来我们的宿舍问话。他们问起她的男朋友。我跟联邦调查局的人担保,她的男朋友是个很好的基督徒,他每个礼拜都和我们在一起聚会祷告。没想到,几个月后,这个男朋友在试图绑架强奸另一位女孩子的时候被抓住了。我深深地感到我上当了。我对联邦调查局的担保差点让另一个无辜的女孩子受害,这使我深感罪疚。我的担保是建立在我们每周都在一起读经祷告上的。那一年,我学到了一个永生不忘的课程。

那个时代我们不经常听闻校园里的性侵犯,我们就以为查经班所发生的这样不幸的事是极端的不多见的悲剧。但是我们现在知道事实不是这样的。今年11月19日,我在哈佛大学与年高90岁的吉米卡特前总统见面并谈话。卡特前总统是应哈佛神学院的邀请做了一场关于妇女、性侵犯和暴力的演讲,这也是以他最近出版图书的主题做演讲的。在哈佛的纪念教堂里,坐满了1000多名来听演讲的人。卡特前总统给出一个众所周知的统计数字∶在校园里有1/5的妇女遭受性骚扰,1/10的妇女遭强奸。但是鲜有人知的数据是这些侵犯和强暴是被仅仅4%的男人干的。平均是每个强奸犯侵犯5个受害者。我们沉默的时代结束了。然而,说出真相的代价是很高的。

在教会、军队、校园与社会上,大量的性侵犯已经存在了很久了。十几年前最初是零星的几个新闻已经成为了日益增长的源源不断的故事。但是对个人而言,说出真相的代价还是很高的,感恩的是越多的人挺身而出说出真相,越鼓励其他受害者讲出真相。年轻男女和年幼的孩子是最容易受攻击侵犯的对像。像40年前学的难忘的一课一样,我们必须停止以庇护施暴者的方法来保护神圣机构的名声,尤其是教会的名声。耶稣警告过我们∶“到那日,必有许多人对我说∶‘主啊,主啊!难道我们没有奉你的名讲道,奉你的名赶鬼,奉你的名行过许多神迹吗?’但我必向他们声明∶‘我从来不认识你们;你们这些作恶的人,离开我去吧!’”(马太福音7:22-23.)耶稣是真理,他要的是真相。

天主教教会曾经考虑处理过去50年里涉及3000个神父的性虐待的案例。这个行动是直到2002年后才开始。是在Boston的媒体报道出这样的丑闻时,当这些可怕的罪案在公众面前曝光后才推动了天主教教会的行动。1991年,Tailhook丑闻使公众意识到军队里存在的性侵犯,但是直到1996和2003年新的丑闻出现时该类案件才得到严肃的处置。

2012年,一份来自军队的调查表揭露了大约有26,000起性侵犯个案,但是其中仅有3374起是之前被报告的。早在1992年乔治.布什总统把校园性侵犯受害者的权益的条款写成法律,但是直到20年后,校园的负责人才开始面对在校园里很普遍的性侵犯的事实。最近,深受美国人喜爱的喜剧演员也被12位以上的妇女指控为性侵犯者。

在教会、军队、校园里,无论我们在哪里,我们了都面临著一个事实∶性侵犯只属于真正问题的冰山一角。通常,受害者被责备或者不允许讲话,“有权者”要在牺牲公义怜悯的基础上来保护他们的利益,而被牺牲的经常是那些被侵犯的妇女、儿童。值得我们欣慰的是,现在越来越多的妇女,女孩子们勇敢地站出来说真相,通过真相来终止施暴者试图肆虐整整下一代的孩子们。也是在这样的情况下,我发现我自己也成为了一个也曾在20多年前在大学里被性强暴的女性的丈夫,她,即我的妻子正在考虑是否公开还是私下公布她曾遭遇到的真相。

在过去的3年里,我的妻子遵循了马太福音18:15-17的方式来面对她的施暴者。对于对方承认是基督徒的情况,耶稣给了我们一个正当的程序来处理。她曾把自己受性强暴的事情汇报给了4个牧师和那个在公开成为基督徒前强暴过她的人。但是这人不断地否认使得她不得不采取谎言测试。测试的结果很清楚地证明她是在说真话——这个现在很有名的中国牧师在24年前的确强暴了她。

在过去的3年里,玲不得不面对来自3个牧师的不同程度的冷若冰霜的拒绝,他们建议她在公众面前保持沉默来保护这位“牧师”的名声和事工。当这位牧师否认时,他们也拒绝相信他们这位很有名的主内弟兄会犯强奸罪。但是当此人在两位牧师的见证下拒绝做谎言测试时,11月9日,玲去做了测试,她的见证被证明是真实的。她最近还听到一到两个妇女有类似对这位中国牧师的性侵犯的指控。

今天,我的妻子凭著爱、公义、和怜悯的原则,再次勇敢地踏入公众的视线。她知道她可能会面对比3年前更大的阻力。这样的选择,她以前也做过的。她在25年前在天安门广场上领导为自由民主的绝食运动,使她两次成为诺贝尔和平奖的提名者;她在她的回忆录《一心一意向自由》的书中,分享了自己痛苦的堕胎经历,希望能给这个伤害妇女、孩子的敏感领域带来关注;她又创办了女童之声——以耶稣的名,单单地爱她,来帮助母亲,营救女婴,来制止一胎化政策,制止因重男轻女而对女婴的虐杀。在过去的4年里,上帝通过这个事工和这些勇敢地同工们,和那些积极通过人力,资金和祷告来支持事工的朋友们营救了成千个女婴和她们的母亲。现在,她又站出来公开她自己受强奸和性侵犯的事实,来鼓励其他的妇女和女孩子们有勇气来说出她们的故事。

不管是谁犯罪,无论是总统还是神父,是军官还是宿舍里的学生,在受害者妇女凭著勇气要寻求公开自己所受的强暴的经历时,她们都可以听到为我们牺牲自己生命的好牧人耶稣基督的声音,“不要怕,我会跟你在一起,直到世界的末了。”只有公开这些案列,这小部分的男性施暴者才会被处理和制止。只有他们被制止而且真心地认罪他们才会有进入神国得永生的希望。所以,来呼召这些男人从他们自我毁灭和毁灭她人的路途中及时回转,是一件需要巨大爱心和勇气的事。

当我们都公开说出真相时,我们知道那个在我的查经班里有天使面孔的女孩子和其他有类似遭遇的女孩就没有白白受死和受苦。当我们凭著真理、爱心和信息向前迈步的时候,我们把我们的心和灵交托给爱我们的耶稣。

现在玲需要你们的祷告,支持和友情。任何妇女,孩子,任何人都不该在这个旅途中孤独而行。你愿意和我们站在一起,并伸手帮助我们吗?

感恩节蒙恩!

鲍勃.马锦是Jenzabar公司的总裁。柴玲的丈夫。

下面是原文。

The Right Response to Rape

by Bob Maginn

11/26/2014

Almost four decades ago, with Jimmy Carter running for President, I was a freshman in college at Michigan State University. I was part of a weekly campus ministry Bible study. Tragedy struck on New Year’s Eve of that year when another student in our Bible study was found raped and murdered in woods not far from campus. I can still see her face like the face of an angel. Her boyfriend who was also in our Bible study looked devastated.

The FBI called to interview me in my dorm room. They asked about her boyfriend. I assured the FBI that he was a Christian who met and prayed with us every week. A few months later this boyfriend was caught trying to rape and abduct another young woman. I felt duped and somewhat guilty that another woman might have been raped and murdered too by someone for whom I had given the FBI my assurance. An assurance based on his being in our Bible study and praying with us every week. I learned a lifelong lesson that year.

At that time decades ago we did not hear about sexual assault on campus very often. We assumed it was the rare and dramatic tragedy that our Bible study group had witnessed. But now we know this was not and is not the case. On November 19, 2014 I met and talked with former President Jimmy Carter who at the age of 90 came to Harvard University. He was there at the invitation of the Harvard Divinity School to give a major speech about Women, sexual assault and Violence, the subject of his latest book. With over 1000 people in Harvard’s Memorial Church, President Carter reported the now well-known statistics: one in five women suffer sexual assault on campus and one in ten is forcefully raped. Less well-known is the statistic that these assaults and rapes of women are committed by just 4% of the men. That is an average of 5 victims per perpetrator. The time to keep silent is over. But the cost to speak out is high.

In the Church, in the military, on the campus and in our society at large sexual assault has been with us a long time. What began as a trickle of news stories a few decades ago has now become a flood of stories growing by the day. Still the personal cost to speak out is high, but thankfully as more people venture forth others are encouraged to tell their stories too. Young women and young men, girls and boys are those most frequently attacked. We have learned hard lessons just as I did four decades ago. We must stop protecting the perpetrators to defend the reputations of our hallowed institutions especially the Church. Jesus Christ warned that many will come, saying Lord, Lord did I not do all these great things in your name and He will say depart from me you workers of iniquity. Jesus wants the truth because He is the truth.

The Catholic Church considered sexual abuse claims against about 3000 priests dating back 50 years but it was only after 2002 that media reports in Boston brought these horrible crimes to public light. Ten years before in 1991, the Tailhook scandal brought to public attention the problem of sexual assault in the military but it took new scandals in 1996 and 2003 in the military before serious action was taken. Even in 2012, of approximately 26,000 cases of sexual assault uncovered in a survey in the military only 3374 were reported. In 1992 President George Bush signed into law the Campus Sexual Assault Victims’ Bill of Rights but it took 20 years before colleges and universities were ready to confront the truth about widespread sexual assault on their campuses. Now even America’s favorite comedian is being accused by over a dozen women.

In the Church, in the military, on the campus and everywhere we turn we are now confronted by the truth: Sexual Assault is an iceberg of a problem. Often, the victims are blamed or silenced. The “powers that be” protect other interests at the expense of justice and mercy for those who have been attacked, often women and girls. Thankfully, these women and girls are now coming out in large numbers, in power and in truth to tell their stories. They seek to stop sexual assault before it claims yet another generation. And so it is that I find myself a husband of a wife who was raped while in graduate school two decades ago now forced to face this very question of public versus private disclosure.

For the last 3 years, my wife has followed the teachings of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 18:15-17. Here Jesus gave fair due process to follow regarding an accused party claiming to be a believer in Christ. She has told that horrible rape story in detail first privately to 4 pastors and to the now Christian man who raped her prior to his public conversion. But his continual denial finally forced her to do a polygraph test. The test provided clear proof of the veracity of her story as her test showed that she was absolutely telling the truth. A now prominent Chinese Christian pastor had committed the rape 24 years ago.

In the past 3 years, Ling had to face the cold and painful rejection that came from 3 of these Chinese pastors who advised her to remain publicly silent to protect the reputation of the prominent pastor. They had refused to believe that their famous brother in Christ could have been guilty of such an act as rape when he denied it. But after this man’s refusal to take a polygraph test in the witness of two pastors, last week, Ling went forward and took that polygraph test herself that proves her testimony is true. She also recently heard about some additional allegations of rape of one and maybe two women made against this same Chinese pastor.

Today, my wife has once again decided to bravely step into the public arena in an act of love, justice and mercy knowing she may face even more opposition than she has endured over the last three years. She did it 25 years ago in Tiananmen Square leading a hunger strike for freedom and democracy for which she received two Nobel Peace Prize nominations. She did it again when she published her memories A Heart for Freedom. She shared about her own painful abortions in love to bring light to this sensitive area that traumatizes women and babies. She founded All Girls Allowed---in Jesus’ name simply love her, to help women, to rescue baby girls and to stand up against the brutal One Child Policy and against male gender preference. In the past 4 years, God has rescued thousands of girls and mothers through this ministry and the brave men and women who work, pray and financially support this ministry. Now she steps out again to tell the truth about rape and sexual assault so other women and girls may find the courage to tell their stories too.

No matter who committed the crime, from a President to a priest to a commanding officer to a student in your dorm, women can hear the voice of Jesus, the good shepherd who laid down his life for his sheep, saying “be not afraid for I am with you even to the end of the age” as they press forward into the light. Only by going public can the small percentage of mostly men be confronted and stopped. And only if they are stopped and truly repent can they hope for life eternal in the kingdom of God. So it is an act of great love and courage to call these men to turn from their path to destruction and be redeemed before it is too late for them and their victims. When we speak out, then we know that the angel-faced young woman in my Bible study many years ago and others like her did not suffer or die in vain. Unto thee Lord we commend our spirits as we move forth in truth, in love and in confidence.

Now Ling needs your prayer, support and fellowship. No women, no child, no one should ever have to walk this journey alone. Will you stand with us and give us your hand?

Have a very blessed Thanksgiving!

——本文首发於《女童之声》(http://www.nvtongzhisheng.org/blog)

2015-01-01

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